for me are not catalogued in a neat linear calendar, but more like a jar of change: each bygone day deposited haphazardly. occasionally stirred and sometimes spent. people tell stories about times or events I was present for and they ellicit memories like books read long ago, details blurred, different eye-witness reports, filtered, dubious truths.
a strong life thread frays the weaker one when the two meet. if by chance the gods crosshatched your life line on that given gifted day perhaps you will walk tall, but at what cost to those close to you?
across the state again today in a rented blue kia rio. from the yakima valley all the way to walla walla we drove through a jungle-gym of rainbows. two triples you could see from tip to tip. one bright shard stretching straight out of the penitentiary. lyli and scarleht caught on immediately, echoing my whispered breaths of "rainbow", prefacing it with "prit-ty".
alone, my mind too scattered to track the novel's lines. i sweat, abdomen aches, arnica and cough syrup. another movie in the background, uncared for.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
tired of having too little time to feel.
i have been reduced to suffering the scattered attentions of only those few friends who can find the time to loan to me. how are they to see that it is indeed a sound investment? how are they to understand the passages time now flows through for those like me? and how am i to make time to explain such matters? i can barely interact with grown humans these days, much less make heads or tails of complex issues. when one is afforded the absolute minimum ammount of time what is one expected to do with it? what makes them happy i could only hope.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
napped in old green hammock. girls awkwardly contorted along my torso snoring lazy circles...
...stretch from knees to chin. watching insects buzz their business around green living yard. cracked soil caked on hands flipping pages of Donleavy's decadent Ginger Man under ancient apple leaves and limbs. water. light. grow.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
observation log #0975
yesterday scarleht spoke her first three word sentence: "mama go car" followed immediately by Lyli... which leads me to believe they already knew it and just decided to clue me in.
another interesting thought today when we ran into two little seventeen month old twin girls on campus and ours frolicked with theirs for a spell, they were wearing matching outfits, matching gold tennis bracelets, the works - anyway, what if, like magnets, likely charged or energized twins will repell each other at an even more extreme curve?
the idea came to me when i watched each of these girls go in the opposite direction on their ma, making her dash about. she with two other kids 18 and 16 so i don't feel too bad, plus she looks rich. named Immelda (sp?). her husband stands 20 yards away and points a video camera at us the entire time. she dashes back and forth yelling at her kids in both english and spanish, trying to corral wild horses that should run free.
i try not to judge but cannot help myself.
slowly getting our garden in piece by piece. steph and i fight and talk, have alternately good and bad times, as bi-polar as our northwest weather. we are giving each other space, which sometimes mean we are too far away when we need each other most but lately our proximity leads to a bucket of crabs, as soon as one can crawl out, the others crawl out over it and ghosts boil out through words. ironically i get the least support from the places that i need it from the most and the most support from the fronts and unders that are already well worked.
slowly slowly i am getting my life back in order. now, two years into their lives when we can finally stand up for air, realizing we can barely breath and dizzy from the stand up. dancers and dreamers can't stay in one place. tomorrow's faces aren't the same as yesterdays. the answers are not always blowing in the wind.
another interesting thought today when we ran into two little seventeen month old twin girls on campus and ours frolicked with theirs for a spell, they were wearing matching outfits, matching gold tennis bracelets, the works - anyway, what if, like magnets, likely charged or energized twins will repell each other at an even more extreme curve?
the idea came to me when i watched each of these girls go in the opposite direction on their ma, making her dash about. she with two other kids 18 and 16 so i don't feel too bad, plus she looks rich. named Immelda (sp?). her husband stands 20 yards away and points a video camera at us the entire time. she dashes back and forth yelling at her kids in both english and spanish, trying to corral wild horses that should run free.
i try not to judge but cannot help myself.
slowly getting our garden in piece by piece. steph and i fight and talk, have alternately good and bad times, as bi-polar as our northwest weather. we are giving each other space, which sometimes mean we are too far away when we need each other most but lately our proximity leads to a bucket of crabs, as soon as one can crawl out, the others crawl out over it and ghosts boil out through words. ironically i get the least support from the places that i need it from the most and the most support from the fronts and unders that are already well worked.
slowly slowly i am getting my life back in order. now, two years into their lives when we can finally stand up for air, realizing we can barely breath and dizzy from the stand up. dancers and dreamers can't stay in one place. tomorrow's faces aren't the same as yesterdays. the answers are not always blowing in the wind.
Saturday, May 6, 2006
decomposing love
to separate into individual components or basic elements
to breakdown into constituent parts
to rot, to cause to rot, to decay, desintegrate or putrefy
to resolve into original elements
to set free from previously existing forms of chemical combination
to bring to dissolution
...............................
#1 A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
#2 A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
#3
1. Sexual passion.
2. Sexual intercourse.
3. A love affair.
#4 An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
#5 A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
#6 An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
#7
1. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
2. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
#8 Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
#9 often Love Christianity. Charity.
But it's also a zero in tennis.
......................................
Too much to write about today so I'll try to write mostly about the good things.
Scarleht and Lyli are now verbally connecting multiple ideas into short two word sentences, something they have been doing with sign for some time now. Scarleht says: "Mo Sho-eo" for more cereal (Lyli's is Mo-Shee-Who), "No Lala" - when they want the cat to stop doing whatever she's doing or when they want to feel powerful, "Mo-Ka" means more cars as they gesture excitedly and scream out the windows as we drive, "Yah Papa". Lyli said "Kee-o" today for Coyote while Scarleht referred to herself by name in reference to wanting her shoes on ("Kah-Lo Shu"). Lyli says "Bothes" for boxes, Scarleht "bao" for box. Speaking of which, please check out my friend Rick's amazing website Talking With Toddlers who I recently discovered is a linguist and speech-language pathologist with loads of experience with infants! His site also features some excellent autism links and tons of valuable information. And he runs Olyblog!
The other morning I awoke to Scarleht and Lyli waving hello at their own hands and/or waving at their own faces. It was one of the most precious things I have ever witnessed. Joined the ranks of amazing things this week along with Lyli running around the downstairs with a shirt on her head and little toy plastic silverware in her hands. Or Scarleht bringing Rob a beer the other day at the bookstore. She could barely carry it. It was her idea, I swear. She saw me having one and said "Rah, Bee!" and grabbed one and ran all the way out to the front with it.
Last weekend was Arts Walk in Olympia so Last Word was packed. Plus we got our old letterpress up and running, although the name is still up in the air. The girls and Steph wandered around at Arts Walk for a bit while I worked my ass off. When I took them for a short walk we stopped to dance for some street musicians and played a rhythm box. The ladies are getting some excellent dance moves down. Stayed in Oly Friday and Saturday, quite a wild time with wily old robert roderick ross. Then on Sunday night the girls and I stayed at Rob's house in Olympia, something we hadn't really done before/in a long time. The beautiful Annie was nice enough to let us use her bed and I put them down and joined the gang to watch Chuck Norris' Invasion USA on a projector screen (Thanks Media Loan!) in the side-yard overlooking Olympia. What a horrible horrible actor and film. Gotta love it though. Thanks Stu for your awesome party-throwing skills, hospitality, strange taste and photography skills (and for making a cool documentary on us setting up the letterpress).
Girls slept great, woke up happy then down into Oly for some breakfast at Otto's before meeting with Jade and her sponsor to talk about the press and Jade's contract. Spent Monday May Day in Oly (long day!) until Steph got off work in Shelton and came to pick us up. Good times. Hadn't spent that long in Oly in one stretch for awhile now. Laid the girls down for a few naps up in the loft at the bookshop that weekend, by necessity, not choice. Not the cleanest, safest of settings but hey, what it lacks in cleanliness it makes up for in character, right? The girls got a kick out of the May Day rally but faded before the march started, shame since we got invited to march at the front with the parents and immigrants and the welfare rights organizing coalition. Ahhh well, we made our handprints on the big banner to deliver walk up to the capitol building and had our pix snapped to send to Guv'nah Gregoire regarding the future of Washington welfare.
Geeez. so much in a week. spent the last few days cleaning house (!) and dancing to the movie credits, laughing at the rolling words, playing the heater and bathroom vent like musical instruments. tomorrow it's back to oly to work the weekend at the bookstore, enjoy a few drinks, maybe write a poem. i am lonely and life is crazy but the dude abides.
to breakdown into constituent parts
to rot, to cause to rot, to decay, desintegrate or putrefy
to resolve into original elements
to set free from previously existing forms of chemical combination
to bring to dissolution
...............................
#1 A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
#2 A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
#3
1. Sexual passion.
2. Sexual intercourse.
3. A love affair.
#4 An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
#5 A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
#6 An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
#7
1. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
2. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
#8 Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
#9 often Love Christianity. Charity.
But it's also a zero in tennis.
......................................
Too much to write about today so I'll try to write mostly about the good things.
Scarleht and Lyli are now verbally connecting multiple ideas into short two word sentences, something they have been doing with sign for some time now. Scarleht says: "Mo Sho-eo" for more cereal (Lyli's is Mo-Shee-Who), "No Lala" - when they want the cat to stop doing whatever she's doing or when they want to feel powerful, "Mo-Ka" means more cars as they gesture excitedly and scream out the windows as we drive, "Yah Papa". Lyli said "Kee-o" today for Coyote while Scarleht referred to herself by name in reference to wanting her shoes on ("Kah-Lo Shu"). Lyli says "Bothes" for boxes, Scarleht "bao" for box. Speaking of which, please check out my friend Rick's amazing website Talking With Toddlers who I recently discovered is a linguist and speech-language pathologist with loads of experience with infants! His site also features some excellent autism links and tons of valuable information. And he runs Olyblog!
The other morning I awoke to Scarleht and Lyli waving hello at their own hands and/or waving at their own faces. It was one of the most precious things I have ever witnessed. Joined the ranks of amazing things this week along with Lyli running around the downstairs with a shirt on her head and little toy plastic silverware in her hands. Or Scarleht bringing Rob a beer the other day at the bookstore. She could barely carry it. It was her idea, I swear. She saw me having one and said "Rah, Bee!" and grabbed one and ran all the way out to the front with it.
Last weekend was Arts Walk in Olympia so Last Word was packed. Plus we got our old letterpress up and running, although the name is still up in the air. The girls and Steph wandered around at Arts Walk for a bit while I worked my ass off. When I took them for a short walk we stopped to dance for some street musicians and played a rhythm box. The ladies are getting some excellent dance moves down. Stayed in Oly Friday and Saturday, quite a wild time with wily old robert roderick ross. Then on Sunday night the girls and I stayed at Rob's house in Olympia, something we hadn't really done before/in a long time. The beautiful Annie was nice enough to let us use her bed and I put them down and joined the gang to watch Chuck Norris' Invasion USA on a projector screen (Thanks Media Loan!) in the side-yard overlooking Olympia. What a horrible horrible actor and film. Gotta love it though. Thanks Stu for your awesome party-throwing skills, hospitality, strange taste and photography skills (and for making a cool documentary on us setting up the letterpress).
Girls slept great, woke up happy then down into Oly for some breakfast at Otto's before meeting with Jade and her sponsor to talk about the press and Jade's contract. Spent Monday May Day in Oly (long day!) until Steph got off work in Shelton and came to pick us up. Good times. Hadn't spent that long in Oly in one stretch for awhile now. Laid the girls down for a few naps up in the loft at the bookshop that weekend, by necessity, not choice. Not the cleanest, safest of settings but hey, what it lacks in cleanliness it makes up for in character, right? The girls got a kick out of the May Day rally but faded before the march started, shame since we got invited to march at the front with the parents and immigrants and the welfare rights organizing coalition. Ahhh well, we made our handprints on the big banner to deliver walk up to the capitol building and had our pix snapped to send to Guv'nah Gregoire regarding the future of Washington welfare.
Geeez. so much in a week. spent the last few days cleaning house (!) and dancing to the movie credits, laughing at the rolling words, playing the heater and bathroom vent like musical instruments. tomorrow it's back to oly to work the weekend at the bookstore, enjoy a few drinks, maybe write a poem. i am lonely and life is crazy but the dude abides.
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Motherhood @ the Brotherhood
Everyone’s favorite scenester booze dungeon in Olympia is throwing a sweet party for Mama’s on Mother’s Day: Motherhood at the Brotherhood, with childcare upstairs in the old labor lodge! I think the festivities go from 4 to 7 but I will make corrections as I find out more. Hope they have a legion of taxi-cabs with car seats for all those tipsy parents.
Monday, May 1, 2006
Kidzines, Mamazines, Rad Dads, Revolution and self-publishing
sweet zines we’ve got in the Olympia ‘Zine Library at Last Word Books:
*Ernie’s Fun Book for Being a Kid! – A strange, rather risque collection of traditionally taboo information for youngsters – most parents will not like a good deal of this ‘zine but it is rather humorous for us parents to peruse and has a lot of right-on advice for kids as well but you might want to filter it a bit. Brought to you by the same folks that published: Daddy Shoots Automatic Firearms; Am I Old Enough to Try Crack Cocaine?; Elmo and Imperialism; Oscar the Grouch Learns About Marxism; Garfield the Bourgeios Slob; and many others. Write to Sesame Street Magazine P.O. Box 55518 Boulder, CO 80322-5518
*Mamazine – lots of back issues, published in Olympia, Washington (ye-ha!). One of the best out there for young mamas, radical mamas, conscious mamas, searching papas and thoughtful parents.
*Rad Dad 2 & 3 - Published by Tomas down in Berkeley (just found his 'zine boxcutter as well, great stuff!. Here's his blog that will hopefully soon take wing and here's an interview with him on mamazine.com. Write Rad Dad at: Tomas Moniz 1636 Fairview Street
Berkley, CA 94703 for copies and more information. He's looking for submissions for issue 4 I believe so start writing!
*East Village Inky No. 5 - http://www.ayunhalliday.com/inky/ - one of the best known mamazines published by Ayun Halliday out of New York, an excellent resource.
*Wemoon’s Army – A nice little ‘zine focusing on radical ideas for mothers, baby making and revolution. Very concise, solid advice. Write to: Skunk Rising PO Box 12119 Eugene, Oregon 97400 -- I don’t know if this one is still around or not.
*Revolution Kid Style Vol. 1 #2 – From December 1999, billed as The Official K.I.D.S. Newsletter – This one is awesome! Just four pages but includes a sexual bill of rights for kids, a short article on kids, free trade and the W.T.O., principles of education, truancy law info, youth liberation, curfews and a whole slew more. Published in Portland of course, write to: K.I.D.S. PO Box 2624 Portland, OR 97208-2624
You should write these folks first if you want copies but if you can't track any down I would be happy to copy any of them for postage and a buck or something cool. Drop me an e-mail if you're interested. Oh yeah, Joe might have some of them up at ZineLibrary.net. The 'Zine Library also has a little blog that I don't get to work on much. Go there and maybe I'll do more.
*Ernie’s Fun Book for Being a Kid! – A strange, rather risque collection of traditionally taboo information for youngsters – most parents will not like a good deal of this ‘zine but it is rather humorous for us parents to peruse and has a lot of right-on advice for kids as well but you might want to filter it a bit. Brought to you by the same folks that published: Daddy Shoots Automatic Firearms; Am I Old Enough to Try Crack Cocaine?; Elmo and Imperialism; Oscar the Grouch Learns About Marxism; Garfield the Bourgeios Slob; and many others. Write to Sesame Street Magazine P.O. Box 55518 Boulder, CO 80322-5518
*Mamazine – lots of back issues, published in Olympia, Washington (ye-ha!). One of the best out there for young mamas, radical mamas, conscious mamas, searching papas and thoughtful parents.
*Rad Dad 2 & 3 - Published by Tomas down in Berkeley (just found his 'zine boxcutter as well, great stuff!. Here's his blog that will hopefully soon take wing and here's an interview with him on mamazine.com. Write Rad Dad at: Tomas Moniz 1636 Fairview Street
Berkley, CA 94703 for copies and more information. He's looking for submissions for issue 4 I believe so start writing!
*East Village Inky No. 5 - http://www.ayunhalliday.com/inky/ - one of the best known mamazines published by Ayun Halliday out of New York, an excellent resource.
*Wemoon’s Army – A nice little ‘zine focusing on radical ideas for mothers, baby making and revolution. Very concise, solid advice. Write to: Skunk Rising PO Box 12119 Eugene, Oregon 97400 -- I don’t know if this one is still around or not.
*Revolution Kid Style Vol. 1 #2 – From December 1999, billed as The Official K.I.D.S. Newsletter – This one is awesome! Just four pages but includes a sexual bill of rights for kids, a short article on kids, free trade and the W.T.O., principles of education, truancy law info, youth liberation, curfews and a whole slew more. Published in Portland of course, write to: K.I.D.S. PO Box 2624 Portland, OR 97208-2624
You should write these folks first if you want copies but if you can't track any down I would be happy to copy any of them for postage and a buck or something cool. Drop me an e-mail if you're interested. Oh yeah, Joe might have some of them up at ZineLibrary.net. The 'Zine Library also has a little blog that I don't get to work on much. Go there and maybe I'll do more.
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