From my friend Erik's papa (& other stuff) blog.
There is a dynamic in my primary relationship in which a seemingly normal conversation begins to erode into angry fencing.
What i know is my own experience. I begin to feel defensive. My blood pressure must rise, because my skin feels a little tight, and hot, and i get a prickly sensation. I feel attacked. Most times that i feel attacked, i really am being told that in one way or another i am the problem.
my intention is not usually to further complicate the situation, but i suppose that my next move is to stand up for myself, and point out the unfairness of the statement. but by this point, i am in defense mode, and am not thinking clearly. all the blood in my head is being forced into the reptilian part of my brain.
what i really need is not the cognitive, intellectual conversation, but the calm down, and hold hands. i need reassurance to bolster me in my insecurity. when i feel at odds with my partner, i need to sit quietly together, and old hands. if i rush to solve problems through thinking, and talking, i make rash statements, and further entrench myself in verbal warfare.
"talking it out" isn't always the most productive activity for me.
2 comments:
That is so like you. At least, I assume it is, since I have no idea who you are.
Are you you?
Or are you me?
It's never really clear at this time of the century. Check back in a decade.
it's from the heart of us, man.
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