Wednesday, October 4, 2006

I tire of the monotony of routine details

my current boundaries of brain unable to wrap themselves around these rhythms
at worst I gradually get done what needs to get done
which i suppose isn't all that bad, i'm just overly-judgemental of myself

my tortise-pace drives the rabbit in me wild
and likewise the hare torments the turtle

a terrible blend of domestic and self-employed duties rolled into a ferocious ball of social-sexual energy with not enough down time, an addictive personality and a mind on fire. often i end up wasting what precious time I have just sitting, spacing out, not even reading orwriting, barely thinking, broadcasting on an entirely different plane it feels. my habits are too old and my neck hurts too much for my age. i go through waves of being very clean and very messy/completely apathetic and our home reflects my temperament perfectly.

only sparse harvests of apples, pears and blackberries this year due to traveling and working so much. i make silent oaths to double efforts next year then think to my self that there will actually be six hands instead of just my two... i smile for the fourth time today. think about eating a carrot. eat a carrot. my compost is definitely odiferous.

lyli and scarleht read/sign their book together on the couch. I listen in awe to their non-stop twin talk, in full swing these days and utterly incredible to witness. sometimes, when i can, i like to just sit and listen to them talk and play for several hours without doing anything else. it happens several times a week and i have only an inkling how lucky I am.

the viking hats come out and all the rules go out the window. we have a viking-hats-give-you-super-cleaning-powers talk and then clean up the toy&diaper whirlwind in the living room. which reminds of me of earlier when I pre-empted one of Lyli's fits with a very sassy "you're gonna throw a fit now huh?" and she quit whimpering and whining and just grinned big and giggled and stuck her tongue out at me for ten whole seconds. listen for the sounds of me melting and scheming all at the same time. there are so many little tricks that work perfectly once you figure them out.

i stuff my sorrows full of words and they stand up a bit better. i tell myself tomorrow is another sunrise, another stab at the world, and another day under heel.

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