it makes me feel inordinately selfish but my time needs to be my time. i can't really "hang out" anymore, just get restless and bored even if I love the people present. attention span is shot to shit from 2.5 years of parenting. i'm not used to saying no to beautiful people when queried concerning friendships, relationships, investing time together. but with a schedule that barely leaves time for self I have to be ruthless with my free time, and it's not free, it's very valuable (at least to me). sometimes I feel like I have too many friends for how small i am, stretched much too thin to go around. i parcel myself out in little increments, the secret to success. it is good to be social again after so long in the metaphorical/literal woods but I forgot how exhausting and unrewarding it can be at times.
feels good to get my bookstore legs back a bit. spent several hours (incrementally of course) shelving books yesterday, more again today. little minute conversations with customers while the visa machine prints, talk a big story 'cause my story's big. too many names and faces, a blur behind the waterfall. my life a deluge of stimuli and me with not enough hands to sort it all.
3 comments:
I know that feeling of being stretched too thin.
Coz, I like to go back and read the blog you wrote one lazy Sunday afternoon... when I know that six or seven hours later you'd be drunk-dialing me. Don't ever let yourself think that I don't appreciate that - Jessica gets freaked out when somebody calls me in the middle of the night, but that's her fucking problem. I like it. Even if I do have to get up four hours later, roll to Ontario and conduct an important business meeting. And if you think I am making this shit up... well, I'll lay it all down for you when I see you in a week or two. I LIKE it when you call, like any brother would when any other brother calls... So let that fit however it fits with the day's comment.
On another note: Fucking right. I mean, forget about having kids involved, it can be a goddamn chore to be company. Women are especially hard, family a close second... How the fuck does a man deal with children? (Don't get me wrong, your kids are amazing little humans. But still...) Heh, shit, this is a can of worms.. but when we're described as social beings it's just one side of the coin. Because we're also anti-social beings. I can attest to that, as I'm sure all of our friends would agree. Uh. Right. You drunk-dial me, I drunk-post you. Life's a bitch and then you die... that's why we get high, 'cause you never know when you're gonna go. ;)
Excuse me on one point. I meant thirteen hours later, not seven. ;)
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