overwhelmed

not stressing, just incredibly full of life and friends and duties and details
calendar is booked virtually solid for the next month straight
invigoratingly oppresive
today i shirk my errands, enter some books online (my meditation)
enjoy a cup of wine in the afternoon sun and try to decompress a bit
sort through some of the fuddled little bits, collate, file, freak out a little

i purposefully don't try to clean the entire house in one day
i do the dishes, move some clothes around closer to where they're supposed to be
try not to worry that my desk looks like a war zone on drugs
life just got weird the other day

half my weeks are spent lounging on red square selling books and loosely monitoring twin girls... I'm a workaholic and am not used to sitting in the sun doing virtually nothing... strange what my "work" morphs into seasonally, I guess I had forgotten, or not had to incorporate these rhythms into my new lifestyle. Whenever a change takes place, however minute, expect unseen ripples.

would i trade this for a sterile, stanrardized, predictable life of conformity and "security"? absolutely not. there is order to chaos, even anarchy has its guidelines.

i snap at my warring daughters in the living room, feel like shit for a couple hours, take a short nap and rebound to my normal distant busy crazy self. outside the dregs of my first garden offer up their final bounty: a few green tomatoes, a couple sprigs of basil, a single pathetic green bean, carrots about as big around as my arteries (which I eat anyway, out of principle). Not a bad job for my first real garden, a decent bounty over the last 4 months for minimal effort expended.

lost my language notes for the girls the other day, pissed about that. hopefully they'll turn up. i'm kind of loosing steam at the most interesting part just because it's getting to hard to keep track of everything. i want to just mount voice activated recorders in every room of the house but that's a bit expensive.

too much work piled up around here and I have no more free days at home without the girls... working weekends at Last Word again for the next stretch. barter fair and a trip to walla walla coming up quickly. good times roll. sometimes i follow slightly behind, dragging my left foot and whimpering for them to slow down and wait for the gimp.