kitchen floor

Lyli tells me my beer is cold as she and scarleht cook their white rice and tomatoes in their ‘ayuh oben’ [little oven]. Then we play one variety of the new hand-warming game. What else is new? Spinning until dizziness sets in, the jump game on the sofa [which looks like a gymnastic event for dwarves], Eamon teaches them to ask ‘what is it?’ today, they refer to Alyson’s myriad bracelets as a little song, they have begun to go out of their way to do something nice for each other once in awhile [oh my god, yes!], scarleht dabbles in fifteen word sentences occasionally, they dress as twinkle twinkle little star for halloween [stupidly entertaining american holidays tend to piss me off although I enjoy how happy they make other poor saps].

so many aunts and uncles around this past week, too many to count but shining stars, all of them. auntie smash gets to spend some quality time with the ladies, as do auntie jess, auntie aly, auntie caitlin, and two too brief encounters with auntie crystal, to name a select few. I love it when my girls meet my powerful lady friends, however awkward any other fallen bones may be, it warms my spirits like nothing I have ever experienced before, merely to have them observe a sliver of my newfound self: me as papa rather than me as drunk or me as ex-lover, or me as ex-[fillinyerblank].

as for my own weekend, suffice it to say I danced through life and time with my favorite people on this planet doing what it is we do best: letting loose and talking from the heart. distance tears my troubled heart a new one but my friends help me heal when they can, without even trying, without crying or fucking or bullshit and I love it, I love the raw elemental feel of these beautiful folk I’ve found over the years and lives, truths and lies.

my head spins in new directions, romance and reality lay seige upon my soul at the same time, my thoughts torn in so many directions I can’t… just can’t… can barely breathe sometimes it all happens and then isn’t happening so fast and then I’m alone with my thoughts once more and she’s gone out of my life for awhile again except for words across lines I wish were written.

it rains all day and I love it, the mists hang like white ghosts from these trees romancing apples and I think about the future, I think about the past, I delight in the present… this gift that keeps on beating out its heart upon my scattered days as my dreams weave a slow rug out before my confusedly determined toes.