Sunday, December 11, 2005

mama's job stress, a live-at-home papa, a cold beer and daily life

steph is stressed out by her job and the fact that she only sees our girls for a couple hours a night. as soon as she walks through the door they turn from angels into little whirlwinds and all the patience and process and progress I have helped them foster these past 18 months goes out the window. it's hard for me too even though I try not to show it. Even though they've been cooperative with me all day long it's tricky, part of me gets instantly fed up with both them and stephanie for their lack of patience and understanding with each other. i know it comes down to a simple time thing and the mere fact that i have spent a much more significant amount of time with them shines through in the relationship we have. and so, after taking care of them for 10 to 12 hours straight i usually opt to postpone my break a little longer and help steph slog through the rocky evening.

my days are long, 16 to 20 hours on average. lyli and scarleht usually read anywhere from 5 to 40 books a day, so sometimes my eyes are swimming by 2 pm. we've been trying to make the switch from one long nap to two medium length naps and have been fairly successful with only a couple slip-ups. it's strange being a live-at-home papa in a society that totally supresses and rejects fatherhood but i also like the fact that I am having aunique experience and value the time I am investing with my children. sometimes it feels like i am a single father being magically assisted economically by friends and family and businesses. selling books online is an excellent way to work out of your home by the way and a topic for an entire essay on how more radical fathers could get away with living and working at home. alas, the unnecessary separation of labor from love in this world is devastating across the spectrum.

i do have fun but i also get absolutely worked. from chasing twins to washing dishes & floors to splitting wood to the chainsaw and stroller and other random chores coupled with carrying multiple 50 pound boxes of books every day from here to there and back again... by the time 11 pm rolls around I enjoy settling in to a movie and a little book-looking-up. steph usually falls asleep with the girls and sleeps until morning. i guess she just requires more sleep than me. i've always been able to sacrifice that for productivity or personal space and relaxing time. who knows? maybe in 30 years it'll come back and bite me in the ass and my health will go down the tubes a touch too quick. but i don't think so. faith in oneself is the most important part.


Dr. Gabbo said...

I see that you've given up, among other things, capitalization and for the most part punctuation. Good for you, Coz! The grlz are more important than explicit grammar.

Amos said...

I spent a coffe shop afternoon with home-based papa in Portland and his 12 month old Zora. It made me think of you, listening to his thoughts on child rearing.

sending love for you and the top three ladies in Oly,