Thursday, July 20, 2006

So I watched Transamerica twice over the past few days and can't help but tell you people who read this little blog that you have to watch this movie! Netflix it, rent it, do whatever it is you do. This movie will amaze you. I haven't been literally on the edge of my seat holding my breath during a film for a long time. Whew!

Disembarking soon. On the tail end of my fantasy vacation, or, as I like to call it: Grog go to big city. Back to Bremerton on the ferry this afternoon and a few bus hops down to the park and ride, 3 mile walk down my road and I'm home to my little lovies. Talked with them on the phone yesterday morning for a few minutes. They already sound different than when I left chirping out "halo papa!" with much improved enunciation. This is the longest I have gone without seeing them since they were born and the least we have spoken. Strange effects on us all I'm sure. I am excited to be back with them.

I achieve similar states of consciousness whether walking in the woods alone or in the crowded city, a certain introspective, observational euphoria. Maybe all my senses just enjoy being stimulated by polar extremes? Today my senses are enjoying being stimulated by red wine, street odors and the constant flickering ocean of motion around me: cars, bikes, people, birds, dogs, buses, airplanes, boats, bigger boats, mopeds, skateboards, motorcycles, para-sailers, helicopters, trucks and trains. Whew.

Well fed by a friend I wander the city streets with my bags packed full of poetry, books crowding out clothes as is usually the case towards the end of any of my adventures. I can't stop smiling, as if my being learned a secret about itself. It has been a long time since I had the time to stop and think about my life and take the time to bask in real happiness with no responsibilities and let my thoughts roam over my emotional landscape doing odd jobs, cutting fence, pulling weeds.

I wonder if my loneliness, which is definitely still with me, just drunk... I wonder if the feelings I was having last week and the weeks before will come flooding back in upon my return or if I have healed strongly enough. I'm not being very lucid right now. Deal with it. In my head I picture a medieval knight returning to his castle with a few magical gifts from the city, the essence of movement, the sociology of the metropolis encapsulated in a glass bottle, something wondrously unreal that will draw me back to the city again. Something that will bridge the worlds I want and keep me busily happy and relaxed. They say variety is the spice of life. All I want to do is season myself all over.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thank you for letting folks into your process/journey/life. to heal seems to require time and intention and seems to expand from within: deepening awareness/understanding/peace: perfection/constant happiness/finite knowing is not the goal, rather getting to know the beauty and mystery of our deep deep imperfection. i honor you for keeping it real.