grow'nup

submitted by the inimitable Sam, friend & foe, forget about it. his words spin me round, right round like a rollercoaster baby, right round.

the difference between
you and me is honesty
not much else than that

I am just a wannabe me
I want to be who I want to be so bad
but I'm not
not even close
sober or drunk, the only difference is
I have no excuse now,
I have no reason, no lie slips through my teeth now
without my notice
everything tastes worse
all the skin feels too real to touch
all the sunsets are like dull headaches
taking too much fucking time.

I'm restless as usual
to follow my patterns that I have never broken
in the end I'm looking for an answer that will never come
I will always end up in the same place
hunched under a desk with a typewriter
ready to die
that is who I am
when I'm really me
which isn't most of the time.

most of the time I am inspiring
clever, funny, good looking, hard fucking
mean, blunt, and tired.
I hate this country sometimes with all my heart
and don't want to get stuck in it's web
like all the other revolutionaries who are going to
"change things from the inside out"
yeah go suck my dick
your a fucking hypocrit
real revolutionaries don't need to read Zinn
real revolutionaries don't talk in basements about politics all day, they are too busy being nice to the old black woman who has worked at 7-11 for 25 years without a raise.
real revolutionaries are too busy fucking
and drinking, and smoking, and generally getting the most out of every day to notice or care that everything around them is going to waste
real revolutionaries are ignorant, arrogant,
and daydream about murdering the president with
a switchblade I keep tucked in the right pocket of my jeans, which I only use to cut open boxes of books
and the heads off of beauty queens in fashion magazines.
so don't tell me about revolution
I'm too tired
I'm moving somewhere
where I can lie and cheat and steal and fuck and burn and die alone.
where I can write and no one will know
where I can drink again
where I can think straight
somewhere where america feels far away
somewhere all my memories will fade over time
memories of all those skeletons in my closet
much stronger than my own.