throw around the word love

throw around the word love because it means so much to hear
especially by oneself with whiskey and chocolate
stood up by one's own dreams
and so left to wallow in the spontanaeity of unplanned solitude

flat beer accompanies this penultimate darkness, assuaging our costumed guilt
urging us to believe in the dangers of the animated stasis of social hearts
and making us believe in our however humble projects
for what else is there?

we judge our secret selves severe
attempting to climb ladders erected to a roofless blue open
an indistinct soul disregarded by heroines and victims
bragging broken dreams to dazzle themselves to death
retracted fantasies galloping full clip

hearts contradict heads
confusing in their mantles of protection
mere shells on this tremulous vague shoreline

make up a mask to efface that sharp furrowed brow designed by nightmares
and dreams like ostentatious capes with which we wrap our lonlinesses up
toss off a high bridge somewheres to drop and plop in the waters of the infinite Buddha
until we trust ourselves enough to encounter that defenseless nomad called night

mark my place with a beer coaster
wonder on trivial intentions
a meaningless malcontent
a satisfactory self-loathing