Sunday, August 20, 2006

The disappearing of self-doubt

Submitted by Libby of Being Mommy.

The disappearing of self doubt if only for a moment may have been the greatest gift given to me today. I will be forever thankful for that sweet breathe of relaxations. The girls and I went to the park with a friend of mine Sky and his twin daughters lily, and scarlet; Sky being the same age as me and the girls being the same age as Emily. So much of their father in these girls eyes makes me wonder is my girls will get the chance to have any of their father in their eyes. I think I may have been a little jealous of the daddy time his girls get to have. Now dont miss understand, when my husband is home his is fully attentive to those girls, but sometimes it feel like he will never be home again. And I have to wonder if this is how life will be for the next 17 years of our military adventure.

Seeing Sky made me remember just how important being a parent is. Hes been able to combine working from home and being a full time parent beautifully, and the wonderfulness of his daughters radiates from them because of it. The calmness that I felt in his presence for amazing, and I had to take of moment to let it all in and breathe. It was like for the first time in so long (perhaps since the last time I saw him) I was with another parent who didnt think we had to pretend that being a parent was a piece of cake. I didnt feel like I had to hide the every day stresses of being responsible for making a human being. I could sit there and talk about how much I love it but at the same time wanted to pull my hair out and his understood. In fact he reinforced that yes other parents feel that way too. Why is it that as parents we are not more of supportive of each other, that we put an unsaid competition between us of who is doing a better job? When in fact all we need from each other is a person to share war stories with. Where did the mentality of it takes a village to raise a child go?

This question will bug me for a while but lets go back to how nice it was to be with another parent for an afternoon. Emily and Makayla have perfected the art of playground playing. Makayla being the bossy overbearing one, and Emily being the quite do my own thing one. And though they were to busy in their own play to have much interest in me, my friend, and his daughters, they did from time to time run by to say hi and welcome the new girls into the park.

Lily and Scarlet however were a little more reserved. If was as if they were seeing a playground for the first time and it was amazing to watch their eyes. There may have been 20 to 30 kids there today the most theres been in awhile and the two girls were just not ready to enter the unknown on their own. So Sky not missing a beat let his daughter take the lead and slowly but surely they entered the toys. And the smile came shining though. Though daddy couldnt leave their eye sight, they did slowly find their way to move though everything on their own.

Daddy and girls moved beautifully though the pains of going off on their own. By the end of our adventure they were pros and you never would have known that first it was a little scary to them. And the best part is they did it themselves, no pushing, no forcing, just support, and a little hand holding and they were golden. And through slides and swing Sky and I found time to share, talk, and relate. And I found someone to breathe with.

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